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This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without theLeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horsebackriding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up anddown the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to beyour revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smartenough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. Ican't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's alittle F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'mguessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now.As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging throughmy body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll betransformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly withknife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've nodoubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during yourcustomer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must knowabout the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about ourintense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. Yousurely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that Americais just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which bringsme to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes ofcramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out myuterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesivebacking, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part ofyour tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anythingmentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never beanything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up onMotrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don'tmarch down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and asketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have toslap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to saysomething that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong',

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effectiveimmediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I havechosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I willcertainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss yourbrand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. . .Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX